Dating a non virgin girl

We were making out on my couch when he went to unbutton my jeans — which was about seven steps beyond what I was ready for, and my body language told him as much.He awkwardly apologized, I awkwardly said it was fine, and we kept kissing, awkwardly.The Chat was never really an issue for me until three years ago.

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The most serious contender waited until I was so smitten with him that I would break plans, skip class, call in sick — whatever — to drive hours to visit him, and then dumped me, saying it “just wasn’t a good time for him.”Another reason sex didn’t factor into my coming-of-age years is that I’m a Christian.

Not a Bible-thumping, the-world-is-going-to-hell-in-a-handbasket Christian, but a (sexually) conservative, Bible-believing, traditionally raised Minnesota Lutheran girl who was taught that sex is for marriage and that’s that.

Unfortunately, because Boy One fell into the celibacy-then-bail category, it was just a matter of time — three months — before the truth came tumbling out.

Our relationship ended in a drunken yelling match that spanned from my withholding physical affection (his words) to his withholding emotional intimacy (my words) to us not communicating, period. Boy Two was the polar opposite of Boy One: optimistic, bubbly and more excitable than a puppy. Sex was less of an issue this time, mostly because I knew he was my rebound (yes, I’m a terrible person).

I don’t remember his exact reaction, but it was something along the lines of, “It’s not a big deal, why didn’t you just tell me?

” At which point I felt relieved, foolish and annoyed with myself for not having had the moxie to say something in person.

Some fake acceptance — and then bail a few dates later.

And some truly give celibacy their best shot before breaking down and, yep, bailing. At the time of The Chat, Boy One and I had been on two official dates, but had liked each other for a lot longer.

Some play it cool while calculating how to coerce me into changing my mind.

(This usually involves the showing off of foreplay moves, tales of the extreme pleasures I’ve been missing and/or purring that they don’t mind waiting — unless it’s going to be, like, two years, in which case they’re not so sure.) Some bail immediately.

I have a solid group of friends, a supportive family and a clear awareness of who I am and who I want to be. Yet the moment I have to tell the guy I’m dating that sex is not an option, I become a squirmy, awkward, fidgety girl who can’t make eye contact or put together a complete sentence.

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