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” Actually, it makes him sound like a mustachioed uncle who shouldn’t be left alone with children.

The internet is a delivery system for any kind of pornography imaginable. A dater’s comment about how he is Such a Nice Guy is inevitably followed up by a lament about how women only like jerks—i.e., any guy who is not the Nice Guy. Because he sometimes does nice things for women, and they do not have sex with him in return. All of the user’s favorite authors, directors and musicians are white men, except that one rapper they like.

So he brings up his Niceness as a way to guilt women into sex. Then, he includes this information on his internet dating profile. What It Means: I am totally steeped in White Dude Culture. And if you’re a woman who dates men, recognize that a man who only cares about Dude Things may not care so much about your things at the end of the day.

If you are a reasonably intelligent woman with some amount of self-esteem, you will eventually be branded as “crazy” by No Crazies Guy. See also: Men who refer to women as “females.” The shirtless photo. We’re all animals here—looks are a big part of the online dating game, so I don’t begrudge anyone for trying to look sexy.

But an equally important component of the online dating game is sending visual cues to potential dates about what kind of person you are.

I understand that mainstream pornography has led you to believe that any woman who says she’s bisexual is down to touch anyone’s genitals, anywhere, under any circumstances.

In fact, I will not make out with another girl just to impress a stranger on the internet; nor will I tell you about the last time I had sex just so you can jerk off while we Ok Cupid chat. “I’m a nice guy.”What It Means: I think that holding the door for you obligates you to spread. You are such an internet stereotype, and yet you don’t stop proclaiming your Nice Guyness.

The shirtless photo says, simultaneously, “poor judgment” and “The Situation.” See also: The “look how desirable I am because I am surrounded by hot girls” photo. What It Means: I’m not very intelligent, and/or I’m lazy. When you message me to say “letds f cvk,” it’s unclear whether you would like to have intercourse or associate with the law firm of Cosgrave Vergeer Kester LLP.

If you are borderline illiterate, that is legitimately unfortunate. If you can’t even put the effort into spelling the f-word correctly the first time you contact me, I think it’s safe to say that you may not give your all when it comes time to bring that word to life. I realize not everyone’s parents taught them this growing up, but “what are you?

I’ve noticed the same themes playing out among the worst online daters.

Some men have learned to obscure the ugliest parts of their personalities on online dating sites, hoping you won’t notice their jealousy issues, racism, or stupidity. This list often includes the phrase “no crazy chicks.”What It Means: I’m not so stable myself.

But at least you get a sense of the kind of person a potential mate can be when they put their most dateable face forward.

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