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A larger conversation about the racist, fat-phobic, and misogynist language of gay dating apps has also begun, which has allowed me to see that my dating prospects may also be a result of problematic societal messaging.Statements like "no fats or fems" or "no Blacks or Asians" litter profiles in hookup communities on Grindr, Jack'd, and similar platforms.

About a year ago, I came across an article entitled "28 Questions for Black Men Who Only Date White Men." Each question from the article was a damning indictment of my apparently not-so-simple dating choices.

insecure about my Blackness — which is painful and embarrassing to admit.

Within my own family, I had two gay uncles who died of AIDS-related illnesses before I was 10.

They were estranged from our family, partly because of their health and their sexual orientation.

And in doing that, are we only reinforcing the politics of desire that deem Black people less attractive?

When I read a recent essay by Michael Arceneaux, his words hit me hard.A friend of mine, who is Latino, once asked why I didn't approach Black men in bars.I replied, "Look around — I'm one of three Black guys here." There’s a clear lack of queer spaces in POC communities, and that definitely affects the ability of men of colour to meet one another.Thankfully, marginalised queer communities have started to call out those hurtful comments as acts of discrimination rather than statements of preference.All of this has shed a glaring light on my internal struggle.As a Black writer who writes about issues of race and culture, I can’t help but feel a certain sense of hypocrisy when it comes to my dating habits.

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