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Jacob was single for two years and then, at 26, began dating a slightly older woman who soon moved in with him.

She seemed independent and low-maintenance, important traits for Jacob.

You could say online dating is simply changing people’s ideas about whether commitment itself is a life value.” Mate scarcity also plays an important role in people’s relationship decisions.

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Before long, his new relationship fell into that familiar pattern.

“I’ve never been able to make a girl feel like she was the most important thing in my life,” he says.

Past girlfriends had complained about his lifestyle, which emphasized watching sports and going to concerts and bars.

He’d been called lazy, aimless, and irresponsible with money.

“It’s always ‘I wish I was as important as the basketball game or the concert.’ ” An only child, Jacob tended to make plans by negotiation: if his girlfriend would watch the game with him, he’d go hiking with her.

He was passive in their arguments, hoping to avoid confrontation.Having lived in New York and the Boston area, he was accustomed to ready-made social scenes.In Portland, by contrast, most of his friends were in long-term relationships with people they’d met in college, and were contemplating marriage.He’d never imagined that so many single people were out there.“I’m about 95 percent certain,” he says, “that if I’d met Rachel offline, and if I’d never done online dating, I would’ve married her.“I went from being someone who thought of finding someone as this monumental challenge, to being much more relaxed and confident about it.

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